


Trauma

by with614



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Minor Character Death, Possessive Behavior, Stalking, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-15
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-19 17:37:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,521
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17006124
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/with614/pseuds/with614
Summary: Baekhyun thinks him and Chanyeol are perfect for each other. Chanyeol's not so sure.





	1. Keyring

**Author's Note:**

> warning!!! this fic is really..really dark. i started writing after reading KS lol. it starts off soft and sweet but eventually will get to a place that might make some people uncomfortable. i'll do my best to warn as much as i can without spoiling and update the tags accordingly but please. if you're uncomfortable with dark tropes then this fic isn't for you. it's not a representation of a healthy relationship or how relationships should function. i don't encourage any of the behavior in my fic in real life.

It's the beginning of October and Baekhyun stands outside a novelty gift shop, staring through the tackily decorated window at the display of quirky items they have for sale. He chews on his bottom lip and wonders if most people in love go through this much trouble finding gifts for their partners. He needs this to be perfect. He goes in and buys a keychain that doubles as a bottle opener, the shape a Fender guitar pick. He knows Chanyeol drinks with his friends after sports games and festivals and is sure he'd find it useful.

 He walks back towards campus with his arms wrapped around the dull looking gift bag and wonders where Chanyeol is now and if he'll see him later. Baekhyun's schedule rarely changes but Chanyeol is always up to something new. He's always picking up some new hobby or interest - Baekhyun finds him cutest when he comes to class raving about whatever it is that's caught his eye that week. Billiards, guitar, bowling...Chanyeol is good at everything. 

Baekhyun thinks it's hard to miss how the prettiest girls and even guys want to be near Chanyeol - to invite him to parties or offer him a spot in their clubs. Baekhyun isn't popular and he knows he's not that handsome. He's heard people whisper about him, wonder which illness he has and call him cruel names. He's short and thin, with fat cheeks and skinny fingers. His hair is a dull, dark brown and his bangs hang over, shielding his droopy eyes from the most persistent professors.

Chanyeol doesn't have the problems Baekhyun does. He's tall and easily the most handsome man Baekhyun's ever seen. Talking comes easy to him and when he smiles...it's like the sun. Baekhyun doesn't have the presence Chanyeol does. The power in his aura, the confidence he exudes, his charm. Chanyeol could do so much better than Baekhyun, he knows it.

 But, Baekhyun's liked Chanyeol for so long now..he's wondered for so long what it would feel like to be loved by Chanyeol. To have his eyes look at him only. To have his lips kiss his only. Baekhyun's thought about what dates with him would be like and if Chanyeol would squeeze his cheeks as he does to Park Sooyoung. Would he hold his hand in public like he held Seo Juhyun's? Push his hair behind his ear like used to do to Kim Jongin?

Baekhyun has wondered and wondered, thought so much about it that his heart would ache. He could swear he felt it bleed before. 

He's snapped out of his thoughts as he makes his way over to his dorm. Chanyeol and his friends, Kim Jongdae and Oh Sehun, are hanging around the taller's pick-up truck. There are a few girls around that Baekhyun doesn't know and he clenches his arms around the gift bag a little tighter.

"Shit - I gotta go. Curfew's coming up." Sehun says, "You heard about what's been happening right? People are getting their heads cut off," he shakes his head incredulously and a couple of the girls giggle. "I like my head where it is."

" _Wah!_  don't talk about the dead so carelessly." Jongdae shouts and Baekhyun doesn't know how his love could stand to be around someone so loud. He is thankful the other resides in his same dorm though, or he would miss out on seeing Chanyeol. The group starts to thin and Baekhyun hurries into the building, trying not to focus on the fact that Chanyeol didn't look his way once.

 

 _♡_ _♡_ _♡_

 

His dorm is an average sized room. His bed to the far left, an end table next to it and his modest dresser in the corner. His desk is against the far right wall, a laptop on its surface. The walls are bare save for a picture of Chanyeol taped next to his bed.

 He showers and picks up some clutter left on the floor. He lights a linen candle and gets to work wrapping Chanyeol's gift in cellophane and a baby pink ribbon. He attaches a note, " _Thinking of you, always_." It took him four times to get it right - his hand wouldn't stop shaking. 

Baekhyun lays in bed later, clutching a pillow tight while scrolling through Instagram. He has no photos on his own feed; something that won't be changing anytime soon. Chanyeol's icon pops up at the top as he's looking at a picture Kim Taeyeon - he's live. Baekhyun enters the stream quicker than he can blink, Chanyeol's laying in bed with his dog, Toben on his chest. He's wearing a brown hoodie and his hair is wet at the tips.

" _Ah, hello, hello! What a lovely night, it is~_!" Chanyeol's deep voice cracks through his phone and Baekhyun slides his finger up to start recording the screen. _"It's too cold out to enjoy it properly though...so I thought I'd hang out here."_ Chanyeol flashes a wide smile and Baekhyun sighs, dreamily. 

When he goes to press the ‘heart', Baekhyun's eyes focus on the comments and he feels coils of irritation wrapping themselves around the length of his spine.

 

_"Chanyeol-Oppa, how are you so handsome?"_

_"Park Yeol~ Please remember my party this weekend!"_

  _"Check your DM ♡"_

 

Baekhyun’s grip on his phone tightens - he instantly feels like throwing the thing into a wall. The comments keep hurling their way onto the screen and the boy lets out a scream through his teeth, he knows his cheeks must be flushed.

“Who do they even think they are to you, Chanyeollie?” Baekhyun whispers harshly at his phone. He spends the rest of the stream reporting accounts.

 

 

 _♡_ _♡_ _♡ _♡__

 

 Baekhyun sits in the last row of his and Chanyeol’s only shared class, Astronomy. He rests his chin on his crossed arms, the hood of his jacket pulled over his head. He perks up slightly when Chanyeol comes in, a few people around him as usual. 

“Seriously? Another one?” Jongdae asks and the question reverberates through the room. Baekhyun twists his fingers around the cloth of his jacket. “Wonder what it is - someone’s got it bad for you, dude.” Chanyeol doesn’t respond, he shrugs and lifts the plastic with two of his fingers, handsome features indifferent. Baekhyun can only hope he opens it this time. 

He has broken Baekhyun’s heart too many times before, making him dig plastic and ribbon out of the classroom trash.

 

 

 _♡_ _♡_ _♡_ _♡_ _♡_

 

After classes, Baekhyun’s working his shift at the computer lab, where most students come to print out research papers and type up notes. The lab is a low-stress job - most people avoid talking to him if they have to. He gets paid a nice amount weekly though so he doesn’t mind. He’s scrolling through Chanyeol’s instagram again when someone clears their throat in front of him. Baekhyun jumps and sticks his phone in his jacket pocket before looking up. His eyes widen and his lips part. It’s Chanyeol, standing tall right in front of him. Baekhyun gets the urge to kneel.

 They make eye contact and Baekhyun looks down - flustered, inhaling a sharp breath.

 

“C-can I help you...?” he mutters.

 

Chanyeol chuckles a little. Baekhyun can feel sweat start to bead at his forehead while his heart beats triple time. He’s imagined a scenario like this so many times, he’s rehearsed exactly what he’d say when he got this close to the popular senior.

 

 _“He’s even more handsome up close,”_ he thinks. _“Chanyeollie, you smell so good...”_

 

“How much to print?” Chanyeol asks and Baekhyun scrunches his nose a little, confused before lifting his head to look over at the printer. There’s a sign right above it, bright blue characters that say “100 won.”

 

Baekhyun turns his neck to look back. Chanyeol still has his eyes on him.

 

“Uhm..” The other raises an eyebrow, “100 won.”

 

“Ah, I see. Thanks.”

 

Chanyeol walks away without giving him another chance to respond. Baekhyun pulls his sleeves over his thumbs and watches with a bouncing knee. He lets his eyes scan the length of Chanyeol’s back before they land on the set of keys attached to one of his belt loops. The bottle opener is attached, the metal of the pick shines like a star.

Baekhyun feels like his heart could burst. He lets out a little giggle, lifting his hand to cover his mouth when a girl looks over at him. Baekhyun is sure he could compare this feeling to heaven. It’s the first of his gifts Chanyeol’s ever taken - _“He didn’t throw this one away!”_  

Baekhyun stares at the back of Chanyeol’s head for the remainder of his visit, fingers clutched over his heart. Chanyeol doesn’t look at him again.


	2. Caught

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i love joy

Chanyeol trains in the school gym every Tuesday and Thursday, from 6 p.m to 8. He works his entire body, running miles on the treadmill and lifting an assortment of heavyweights. He has made working out a habit ever since he had dated Jongin, and back then, Baekhyun would watch with green colored glasses the way they looked at each other over bars of equipment. He’s so thankful that’s over.

Now, Chanyeol comes alone. He works out just as happily as before and it’s always a joy for Baekhyun to watch. He can’t always make it because of homework and the lab, but when he does, he doesn’t take his eyes off the other senior. To him, Chanyeol’s body is worthy of worship. He fantasizes about what it could be like to feel the mass of it against him, what their skin would feel like touching and sweating together. He longs for the intimacy so badly it keeps him up some nights crying over it.

Knowing his schedule, Baekhyun prepares to leave before Chanyeol’s routine is over. He’s brought another gift, something dear and special for his Chanyeollie. The linen candle from his dorm has always relaxed him and made him feel calm. He wants to share this peace with Chanyeol.

There are a few stragglers in the locker room but none of them are near where Chanyeol’s placed his belongings. He left a workout duffle bag on one of the wooden benches and Baekhyun unzips it in a rush, breathing deeply to regulate the pace of his heart and shaking of his hands. The urge to go through and run his fingers all over Chanyeol’s things is tempting but he’s short on time. He looks over his shoulder before pulling the candle out of his hoodie pocket and dropping it inside. He had wrapped it just like before, in plastic and ribbon, another note attached. He contemplates taking something..something for him to have of Chanyeol when he can’t be near him. Baekhyun’s just about to rummage through the bag when the door to the locker room opens and shuts, loudly, causing the nosy boy to jump in surprise.

He quickly grabs a black shirt and stuffs it into his pocket, zipping the duffel with urgency. Baekhyun’s able to take one last glance at Chanyeol before he leaves, the other man was finishing up, stretching his arms up with a clueless smile.

That night Baekhyun lays on top of his comforter in only the shirt he took. Its passes his knees and smells so much like Chanyeol, there’s no way he hadn’t sweat in it. Shame trickles in with intense arousal but Baekhyun can’t help it. His cock is half hard and wet against his thigh just from the thought.

_Chanyeol, Chanyeol, Chanyeol…_

Baekhyun passes out with the collar of Chanyeol’s shirt stuffed in his mouth, cum drying on his hands and on his belly.

 

_♡ ♡ ♡_

 

“Hiya! Welcome to Gravity! Can I get you a strawberry cake today?” the barista behind the bar is Minatozaki Sana. She’s worked at the cafe since the beginning of her school year and is well-known around campus for her bubbly personality and unique beauty. Even Baekhyun, once upon a time, would blush every time she smiled at him.

 “Yes, p-please, and a small coffee.” 

“Sure! I’ll bring you fresh cream too.” 

“Thank you.” Baekhyun pays and grants Sana a small, shaky smile. He visits the campus cafe ‘ _Gravity_ ’ often because Chanyeol does but has come to appreciate it on his own. It’s built from brick, with four wide columns in the open space leading towards the bar. The staff has wrapped lights around them to make the place look cozier and there are even more framing the tall windows. The chairs are old fashioned and the tables have antique lanterns as centerpieces. Everyone at school raves about the coffee so it’s fair to say Gravity does well.

Baekhyun makes his way over to his usual table - one against a wall, in the corner. A waiter delivers his cake shortly after he’s pulled his phone out to check his social media. He replies to a text from his one and only friend Kyungsoo, confirming plans to meet in a few weeks. It makes him a little antsy - he really can’t come out and tell Kyungsoo about Chanyeol - so he’ll have to suffer a few days of not checking in. He promises himself he’ll make today count.

Chanyeol is seated a few tables down on the opposite side, an americano in front of him and an empty seat across from him. Baekhyun’s table gives him the perfect view. Chanyeol had posted on his Instagram that he was there, waiting on his “ _honey_ ”.

It was a little presumptuous of Baekhyun to take that as his cue. He’d gotten dressed in a pretty tan sweater, his best jeans and even did his hair. He’s wearing round frames and gloss on his lips. He wanted to look his best for Chanyeol. Assuming the man was waiting for his arrival.

The other man is on his phone, face passive as he flicks his thumb up and down over the screen. Chanyeol looks especially handsome - he’s wearing a leather jacket with a small pin of rilakkuma on one of his lapels and right above it, another one the shape of a bleeding heart. Another one of Baekhyun’s gifts.

“ _Honey~_!” Sooyoung’s husky voice rings out from the front of the cafe and Baekhyun watches, with quivering lips as Chanyeol turns around, a brilliant smile on his face to greet the girl. God, he feels like an idiot. Why would Chanyeol ever return his feelings? He’s gotten to know so many things about Chanyeol - the way he likes his coffee, his affinity for cute things like plushies and cartoon characters, his favorite band..

Chanyeol has brought Sooyoung to sit down and they’re too far away for Baekhyun to hear what they’re talking about, but he figures it must be something exciting. Chanyeol hasn’t stopped smiling since the girl walked in. Then he twists the knife already in Baekhyun’s back when he leans over to give Sooyoung a chaste kiss on her mouth.

Baekhyun’s having trouble keeping his breakfast down - he just doesn’t understand. He was so sure that Chanyeol felt the same as him. He’s accepted all of Baekhyun’s gifts and he even shows some of them off to his friends. Why would he do that if he didn’t like Baekhyun too...? Is Chanyeol playing with him? _Why_ would he kiss Sooyoung? Right in front of him?

Baekhyun’s trembling, his hands are shaking and his chest rises and falls with his heaving breaths. Tears are welling up in the corners of his eyes. He got all dressed up for this, dammit.

Abruptly, Baekhyun stands to his full height and stuffs his phone into his pocket. He keeps his chin pointed towards his chest as he tries to tamper down the anxiety that’s trying to swallow him whole. He doesn’t want to look at Chanyeol’s table again - he knows he wouldn’t like whatever he sees in the man’s eyes while he’s looking at that stupid girl.

He pushes his chair in with a bit of force and just as he’s stepping away, he bumps into someone.

Sana lets out a little squeak of surprise, the tray in her hands almost toppling out of her grasp. The creamer she carries sloshes, some of it splashing onto her top. Baekhyun watches with wide eyes, his hands reaching out to steady the girl but she shuffles back fixing her tray and the creamer with expertise.

“I-I’m sorry!” Baekhyun apologizes. He can feel stares on them, on the scene he’s made.

“Don’t worry!” Sana is so sweet. She stands out of the way and motions him forward. He probably looks pathetic, with his bloodshot eyes and quivering lips. He feels humiliated, bowing slightly before rushing out. He ignores the murmurs and giggles, bracing himself so he doesn’t do something so stupid again.

How could Chanyeol do that to him? After everything Baekhyun’s done for him..all for some _stupid bitch he won’t even look at next week_? Baekhyun’s humiliation quickly turns to anger. Hot tears trail down his cheeks and he moves as quickly as possible to get away from the cafe. He’s so wrapped up in it he misses the only person watching him leave.

 

_♡ ♡ ♡ ♡_

 

“Why couldn’t you come down to Busan?” Kyungsoo asks, lips pursed around a spoon full of spicy beef soup. He takes a napkin and dabs the corners of his mouth, “I know you have the money to rent a car or get on the train - why do you want to stay in a city where people keep turning up dead?”

Baekhyun frowns, squirming around in his seat to shake the discomfort off his bones. Its the week before Halloween and his best and only friend Kyungsoo has come up from Busan, just to see him. They’re at a little restaurant named after the head chef, “Mama”; Kyungsoo told him the reviews were all five star when he had checked them.

The walls are pep-to pink with green trim and golden rose details and the floors, dark plank wood. The lights are dim and shine a pretty orange - the tables low and all the cushions have a different floral pattern. Wind chimes and streamers hang from the ceiling. It’s cozy even with fake skeletons sitting at the end of their table.

“...Soo..I’m trying to eat..” Baekhyun ignores the pointed stare Kyungsoo gives him across the table. He can tell his friend won’t let this go. Kyungsoo has always been this stubborn, even when they were kids. They grew up together in Baekhyun’s hometown. They were both quiet children, reserved and well-mannered. Kyungsoo by nature, Baekhyun from fear.

 “After what happened at the cafe-”  
  
“S-Soo!”

“I’m just saying. Don’t you want to get away from here?” 

Baekhyun sighs and puts his chopsticks down. He doesn't want to think about the cafe. It only makes him think about Chanyeol. He knows Kyungsoo worries but there’s no way he’s going back home if he can help it. He’s managed to avoid it for a year, if anyone’s counting and he will continue to do so for as long as he can. 

“..The..the only people that have been killed are... _g-girls_ ,” Baekhyun says, leaned in with his voice hushed. Kyungsoo scoffs but he continues, “..specific kind of girls!” The murders plaguing Seoul have only been of women. The police reported that there were no patterns, no links and all they could do was enforce extra security measures. Hence the school's curfew and night patrols. 

“Does it matter?! People are being murdered! They’re finding parts of these women in the soil!” Kyungsoo’s voice rises a little, squeaking at the end when Baekhyun waves his hands to shush him.

 “I only m-mean..that I think I’m safe.”

 “As long as this killer is out there - _you are not.”_

Baekhyun shakes his head. If he tells Kyungsoo that he doesn't want to be around his remaining family, he’d have to explain why not and he wasn’t ready to do that. He could picture Kyungsoo’s revulsion, his disgust, and anger he’d have if Baekhyun ever told him the secrets the Byun’s kept. He knew they were unpleasant people but not the extent of it, and Baekhyun has never wanted Kyungsoo to bear that burden.

“I-I can’t leave school this close to finishing..after okay? When I graduate..I’ll come home.” Baekhyun looks away and down to his food.

 Kyungsoo clears his throat. A wind chime sounds off, the twinkling echoing.

“You can move in with me. We can go to a candle making course together like we said before.” 

Baekhyun smiles and looks back at his friend. He wonders briefly if Chanyeol would like to do something like that.

“Right.” 

They finish their dinner, comfortable silence and small words shared between them.

 

  _♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡_  

 

Baekhyun doesn’t stay upset with Chanyeol for too long.

“He just doesn’t know how good we could be together..,” Baekhyun mumbles to the picture next to his bed. “He’s confused. I just have to show him...”

He gifts Chanyeol a choker. The thin piece of leather is expensive with a silver ring attached to a d ring and an eyelid closure. As soon as he saw it, he knew it would look dashing around the other’s throat.

 

He watches from the corner of Astronomy again. Chanyeol’s just walked in with his friends, his dark, pretty hair tousled across his forehead. He’s wearing a baggy, navy cardigan, the sleeves so long they cover the half of his hands, and dark jeans. No one can match Chanyeol in looks, Baekhyun thinks.

Chanyeol’s makes it to his desk and eyes the plastic bag on its surface with an unreadable look. Baekhyun laces his fingers together, nails digging into the back of his hands as he waits with mounting anticipation.

Chanyeol pulls one end of the ribbon, loosening the knot to open the package. Baekhyun watches Chanyeol lift one perfectly arched brow lift in question and bites his own lip. Would Chanyeol not like his gift? Would he think nothing of it now that he kisses Sooyoung on the regular? Baekhyun's last thought has him curling in on himself a little.

Chanyeol picks the choker up by the closure and starts observing it as he raises it to his eye level.

“That’s kind of weird.” Sehun comments from his seat to the right of Chanyeol’s.

“It’s not that weird.” Chanyeol says in a beat, and before Baekhyun can take another breath - Chanyeol’s looking straight at him with his smirk still in place. The choker spins slowly between his fingers. 

 

_♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡ ♡_

 

Baekbeom calls when the chill of fall rolls in. Students have traded their jackets for coats and can see the cloud of their breathes when they laugh.

“Hanuel would like for you to join us for Christmas.” he tells Baekhyun over the phone. His tone is tight as if dialing his little brother puts his nerves on edge. Cold wraps around Baekhyun’s spine. He has nothing against his brother’s wife - Hanuel is lovely and warm. The total opposite of his brother, of their mother.

“I-I-I’m n-not sure..” 

“You should be with your family during the holidays.”

“..R-right, hyung...but-” 

“You missed Chuseok. Will you miss Christmas as well? What would Mother think, _Baekhyun-ah_?”

Baekhyun’s alone in his dorm with his back against his front door. He was just on his way out to visit Chanyeol at work. The man had gotten a new job at a ramen spot a few blocks from campus and with it, a nasty smoking habit. He thinks he’s hiding it, but Baekhyun has seen him do it enough that he’s started picking up those “stop smoking” pamphlets from the nurse’s office.

He doesn’t want to see his brother but Baekbeom has always had ways to make him give in. He’s been conditioned to submit to the will of his family and isn’t sure when to start standing up for himself. The Byuns have never hesitated to use tools of deception and fear to get what they wanted. 

“..N-no. No, I won’t, Baekbeom-hyung.” Baekhyun eventually mutters. “Please tell noona for me.” 

“We will see you then.”

Baekhyun’s shoulders sag in defeat when the call ends. It couldn’t have lasted more than ten minutes yet somehow he’s exhausted. He pushes himself off the door to turn around and starts to walk out of it.

‘ _Noodlez_ ’ is only a fifteen-minute walk from Baekhyun’s dorm. It’s located on a strip that lights up in blues, reds, and yellows at night. There are clubs, markets and all types of stalls with pop music playing from overhead speakers. The restaurant itself is bar-style and gives customers a great view of the chefs behind as they cook for them. As expected, when Chanyeol started to work there two weeks ago, the influx of profit increased. Baekhyun has been a happy and willing contributor, of course.

His conversation with Baekbeom cut into his time to see Chanyeol, though, as campus curfew will be up in an hour. At the very least, Baekhyun wants to leave the pamphlets for Chanyeol to read. He read with horror what could happen to a person’s health if they smoked cigarettes, and didn’t want to imagine anything like that happening to Chanyeol.

Baekhyun turns into an alley a block ahead of the restaurant. Chanyeol parks his truck in the lot behind ‘ _Noodlez_ ’, and it’s easier to access if he comes from the side. He peaks from around the corner to make sure the lot is empty, squishing his cheek against the rough brick of the neighboring building. The truck faces the back of the restaurant and the lot is clear for Baekhyun to skulk over.

He pulls the leaflets from his pocket, straightening them out on the hood of the truck before rising on his tip-toes. His tongue is peaking out the corner of his mouth while humming to _Bol4’s “Tell Me You Love Me.”_   He carefully slips the pamphlets under one of the windshield wipers, and notices there are a few stray leaves caught between the hood. Baekhyun tsks and leans against the truck to tug them out. 

Baekhyun looks back and wishes he had stayed home. 

“..-If you like me or love me, _just-_ ” 

Suddenly, Baekhyun can’t breathe. A wheeze is heard as he’s lifted off the ground by the arm around his throat, his fingers come up to clutch at the muscle and his feet flail in panic. He can feel how giant his assailant is behind him and he would surely lose if he tried to fight back. The arm squeezes, tightening around Baekhyun’s throat and he opens his mouth in a silent scream, his hand smacking every inch of flesh he can reach. He’s _so_ scared, he thinks about what Kyungsoo said. He should have left town when he had the chance. He doesn’t want to die.

“What do you think you’re doing?” That voice - Baekhyun knows it. He chokes, trying to respond but then he’s tossed around and shoved harshly against the truck. Baekhyun bends over, hand reaching up to wrap around his throat, heaving in shaking breathes.

“Well?” Chanyeol asks and Baekhyun tilts his neck to look up at him. Chanyeol’s arms are crossed and legs spread, dirty apron tied low on his hips. Baekhyun drops to his knees.


End file.
